I received the poems I had contributed to the writers' exchange back in the post last week. I am happy with the critique they experience from what was an anonymous judge but I now know her name is Rachel Smiddy and she's a nineteen year old from Limerick. It's a bit frightening to see someone so young with such command of the language.
Again it's the small things that can make or break a poem, deciding whether to keep or omit a line, being able to see at all whether this line will add to or detract from the work. When you are so close to something it is difficult to see its faults. It comes down to even knowing whether to change or to keep a word for the effect it will have, in an onomatopoeic way for example. See I have learned something! And what are time markers? It's quite clear to me now that sometimes what I am trying to express does not come out as clearly as I would like, but then that is because the thought is flawed and has not been thought through to the end point. Then again I do daydream and often things aren't always clear to me.
So summary style ends do not work and it could be best to leave the reader wanting. I guess this is poetry and not prose Orla! And some words or lines in your poem can be redundant, i.e. they are there to fulfil a line stanza pattern only.
A couple of poems escape any criticism and the reader loved them and felt inspired so that's good :))